Casske snarls. "I am so married!" *pulls out a little card that says 'Jimmy's BBQ Joint and Shotgun Chapel.'*
Sirus: Then wheres your wife?
Casske chuckles nervously. "Well, uh, lots of places... I know for a fact she's in the Pacific Ocean.
Lily grabs Casske's arm "I'm right here, honey!"
Lily laughs evilliy, as she only married to Casske for his money.
Casske gawks at Lily. "Hortence!? That you!? Augh!"
Casske: Huh? That was a bad idea. When you want money, you don't marry immature drunken military officers. Most of the money goes into equipment. And beer. And pornography.
Sirus: Then she must be after your porn.
Kale: ...
Lily nods. "Yep, I'm after the porn money."
Casske shakes his head. "There's no middle step. Cobalt Wing just pays me in porn."

By Odin on Monday, August 13, 2001 - 05:42 am:

Jalon got married at the'Jimmy's BBQ Joint and Shotgun Chapel'.
Jalon: It involves me being drunk and.....well, I don't like to talk about it.
Casske: Huh? Oh, dear... Jalon, was your bride rather disporportionate with very long blue hair?
Jalon: What?
Sirus: Dispropotionate in a really good way or really bad way?
Jalon: That's what I'm wondering.
Jalon: Well, Casske.....it depends.
Casske: As if she had had massive amounts of plastic surgery in the past hour?
Jalon: Actually, yes.
Kale: ...
Jalon: Never got a good look at her. I was drunk.
Jalon: And I passed out right after the "I do's".
Kale falls over laughing. "Well, Jalon...now you'll never run out of porn."
Jalon: I'm married to Casske?
Kale: Yes. Yes you are.
Sirus: Casske had boob surgery?
Jalon: And he had the nerve to go behind my back and marry someone else?!?!
Jalon: I want a divorce! NOW!!!
Kale: Apparently.
Jalon goes to eat large amounts of ice cream and cry excessively while watching soap operas.
Kale sighs. "I'll get the guy who divorced Sirus and Dominia, ok?"
Sirus: Who -did- that, anyways?
Odin: So, you two want a divorce?
Sirus: Oh, right.
Jalon: Sirus + Domina?!?!
Jalon nods at Odin.
Sirus: Brin married us against our will.
Jalon: Heh.
Odin: Yes. And then I divorced them. Now, do you, Jalon, hereby throw Casske away from you like some discarded blow up doll?
Jalon: I, Jalon, hereby throw Casske away from me like some discarded blow up doll.
Jalon: ......A blow up doll I never used, mind you.
Jalon is glad he passed out before -that- happened
Odin: And do you, Casske, hereby allow yourself to be thrown away like said blow up doll?
Jalon taps his foot.
Jalon: I don't have -all- day here.
Odin: Casske? Are you there?
Jalon: Do it.
Odin will have to cut him in half if he doesn't reply soon.
Jalon: I guess that means Casske and Lily weren't legally married.
Casske: I do. I also like to wear my pants really tight.
Jalon doesn't.
Jalon wonders why Casske was up for marrying him........
Jalon: Second though..I don't want to know.
Jalon: Thought, even.
Casske: That wasn't me. That was a spoofer who the system didn't detect, probably due to the colon after my name.
Jalon snickers.
Odin: Then by the power vested in me by...me, I pronouce you no longer man and Casske. You may throw pointy things at each oth-...
Jalon: Then say it Casske!
Odin: So you DON'T want to divorce Jalon?
Jalon facepalms.
Jalon: You'd better say 'yes' Casske!!!
Casske: Yes, I don't want to divorce him.
Jalon blinks.
Jalon: Uh...
Odin: Oh. Ok, then.
Casske: I mean, sure, the ritualistic beatings were bad, but...
Jalon grabs Casske's mouth and moves his jaw with his hand. In a mock-Casske voice, "Yes, I agree."
Odin: May you both have a long and happy marriage, then. And cut that out.
Jalon: See that? he wants a divorce!
Jalon STABS Casske with a knife many many many many times.
Casske gets all starry eyed. "You always hurt the one you love!" Slumps to the ground in a puddle of blood. "Oh, what sweet sweet pain..."
Sirus is outta here.
Jalon sighs and shrugs. "Oh well, might as well as make the best of it." He points to the kitchen. "Cook me my dinner!!"
Jalon waves.
Casske blinks oddly. "It's an odd year this year. It's your turn to be the wife."
Jalon: Nope, sorry. During the marriage, you had the role of the 'wife'.
Jalon: Your fault. Shoulda divorced me.
Casske frowns. "You'll regret this when I sell your reproductive organs on ebay."

By Xeero on Monday, August 13, 2001 - 07:16 am:

*shakes his head* How many times do I have to tell you Casske? Don't sell them, just impale them with bamboo splints ^^ (yes I am a twisted little S.O.B. *holds up his id card to prove it)

By Asher on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 03:36 am:

As commander of cobalt wing, I'd like to clarify a few things about the preceeding statements.

Number one. We do not pay our soldiers in pornography. Lieutenant Casske was merely taking an alternate payment plan, which allows our soldiers to get specialized coupons for as much reading material as he likes, but has taken it the wrong way. The worst possible wrong way.

Number two. Cobalt Wing in no way supports nor defames the existance of same-sex couples. If Lieutenant Casske and Jalon were to marry, I would probably question Jalon's judgement personally, being my cousin, but Cobalt wing does not have any quarrel with the issue as a whole.

Number three. Please, if you were offended by Lieutenant Casske's antics on this message board, do not worry. As the lieutenant has been found trafficking in a false ministerial business without proper chaplain's license, as well as pornography, he will be docked in pay and flogged. Then, he will be transported back to the Jasper for a more permanent stay, where, god willing, he will be flogged again.

Thank you very much for your time. Good day.

By Odin on Friday, August 17, 2001 - 08:07 pm:

Bah! How dare you equivocate myself with Casske?