Some warnings first, of course.

The text itself has not been edited or spell checked, and will eventually be better written, more coherant, and will include links to relevant logs.

The page itself needs a PW'y background, and I don't have pictures of the country symbols.

In other words, it's a rough draft at best. And shitty. But hey, it's progress. And progress is your friend!

But it's not my fault if progress blinds you.

http://www.kitsune.cx/~kieli/xmocpw/demo-nisan.htm

By Gabriel on Friday, August 02, 2002 - 06:56 pm:

Not a bad start at all! The only major reccomendation I have at this point (forgive me, I have English teachers on all sides of the family) would be to switch it to Third Person, like the PW. Makes us sound a bit more official that way. ^_^;

Then again, I am a bit mental. I like silly things sounding official... like when I wanted all of my friends to get matching NERV window decals for our cars...

By Dominia on Friday, August 02, 2002 - 07:28 pm:

Well, to be fair, the PW isn't written in the 3rd person. It's written in Japanese, a language which has to bend over backwards to pretend to be anything -but- the 3rd person.

And also, '3rd person' means 'He did/She did', which this is written in. Spare the times I slide into 'we', which I was going to edit out anyway.

So I'll now assume that you meant to suggest 'Don't write it so informally and take things so lightly' instead.

This just brings up a problem I've had for ages in general--I can sound informal and friendly, or I can sound hostile. And whenever I type anything formally and solemnly, I get complaints later that people felt like the file was belittling them.

Anyway, it's hard to cover plots in the formal. It ends up being short, clipped, and generally dull.

But I guess it's all a matter of opinion. And something I'll at least keep in mind.