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Bad Jokes


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Has it come to this? A few shitty or tastless jokes here, mostly nicked of from Pop-Bitch or nearby(ie. the boards).

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Q: What do you get when cross a paedo and a pirate?
A: Arrrrrrr Kelly.
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Q: What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A: Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
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Q.How many ears had spock?
A:3, a left ear, a right ear and a final front ear.
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A man rings his office and says,
"I can't come into work today as I'm sick."

His boss asks him, "So how sick are you?
"Well, says the man, "I'm in bed with
my 12 year old son..."
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Last time I went on holiday, I flew with BA.
It was terrible.
He kept shouting "You crazy fool, I ain't getting on no plane!"
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A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom
mirror and says to her husband  "I look, horrible,
fat and ugly... please pay me a compliment?"

The husband replies, "Well, your
eyesight's spot on...."
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Q: What's the difference between Arthur
Scargill and Michael Jackson?

A: Scargill hasn't seen a miner's helmet for
twenty years.)
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David Hasselhoff walks into a bar and the barman announces:
"Its David Hasselhoff!", to which he replies: "Hey mister I
want you to call me David Hoff.". 
Barman replies sure Dave, no hassel."
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A man walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep.

His wife is reading in bed. The man says,
"This is the pig that I fuck when you've 
got a headache".

His wife retorts, "I think you'll find 
that THAT is a sheep."

The man replies, "I think you'll find that
I was talking to the sheep."
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A history professor and a psychology professor 
are sitting outside at a nudist colony

History professor - "Have you read Marx?"

Psychology professor - "Yes, I think it's
from the wicker chairs."
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Richard Whiteley died of pneumonia - but on a positive 
note he got extra points for using all 9 letters.
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Q: What did the mummy buffalo say to her
child as he left for school?
A: Bison.
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Doctor says to patient: "I have some bad news about
the bird flu you have caught."

Patient: "Oh, not. What is it doc?"

Doc says: "It's unTweetable."
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Q.   Why shouldn't you wear Y-Fronts in the Ukraine ?

A.   Because Chernobyl Fallout
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Q: What's green and eats nuts?

A: Syphilis.
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A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
The barman says "That's a nice newt. What's his name?"
The man says "Tiny". The barman says "Why do you call
him Tiny?". "Because", he replies, "he's my newt."
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