14. David Kelly
Rathaiska, Co Laois

Dave, affectionately known as Belly to his friends, is Laois’s answer to DJ Carey. Any full backs reading this should watch out, as Dave is a tricky customer. At the peak of his career he took one unfortunate for 3 – 8. His twin, Vinny, got the other 1 – 7 to bring the terrible twins total to 4 – 15 for the day. David’s roommate is Bod and the two can be seen holding hands walking around campus and strange noises have been heard in the middle of the night from their bedroom such as ‘No Davy, not again. Pleeeeasssssee.’

15. Ciaran Regan
St Vincents, Co Dublin

Ciaran, better known as Rego, better known as the Butcher, has reputation that none in Finglas or Ballymun could better. Even if he was the last hurler left in Dublin, he still wouldn't even get a call up to join the chicks with "sticks". On the topic of chicks with "sticks", the Butcher has a habit of falling in and out of love as many times as Frosty (who has not been seen on a hurling field since the incident with the one-armed blind goat in a wheelchair) will fall nover on a good night. The Butcher's only true loves are Canice and a good late "dirty pull". Rego is another man who has seen severe changes on the hurling field, moving from No. 2 to No. 15 in his four years, due of course to his reputation and uncanny ability to enrage even the home town referee. Rego's most endearing trait is his inane ability to find a row no matter where he is (he has been known to be arrested for starting on a geriatric who get out of Rego's armchair even though the house was on fire and to have the lard kicked out of him in challange matches against Vincents).

16. Eoin McNamara
St Vincent’s, Co Dublin

Eoinie constantly brags in the dressing room about how good Rego’s sister was. Only problem is the whole dressing room already knows from experience. Another Vincents’ scumbag, he cycles to college everyday with his all-round bumchum Burnsy. Another first year that we unfortunately don’t know enough about.

17. Emmet Dalton
Carlow Town, Carlow

Known as Ox. Can be found naked and tied up in the booth of Griffith's car after a wild nite looking for prostitutes. He is known for his keen interest in the opposite sex. He is also loves chains, whips and balls.Unknown to ‘Whacker’ McAvinue, Dave is currently seeing his sister on the sly. This 18 year old was once spotted in Coppers on a Sunday night when the average age is 53! Unfortunately we don’t really have too much dirt on this first year. Dave, however, is a talented Archer and for some reason has strong expectations of making the next Irish Olympic team. Got a hard time this year from some guy called barcode Brody. Maybe Brody will turn up and we'll see what happens on the dancefloor.

18. Liam Kinsella
Mooncoin, Co Kilkenny

Frosty is the only man ever to succeed in drinking chilled cans of piss, i.e. Frosty Jacks. Pure alcoholic, he made a big impression for the hurlers in the league against GMIT. Frosty came on corner back, when the match was level two minutes into injury time and yet still managed to concede 2-4 to a one armed blind goat in a wheelchair. Kinsella made an unsuccessful attempt to get up on bears 9 year old sister at his 21st.

19. Ronan Screeney
Kilcormac/Killoughey, Co Offaly

Probably the most clean cut of all members on this panel, which probably explains why he is one of the few final year students to already have a job! However, Screeney is prone to offering his bed to Dave Kelly on nights out. Came close to winning a county hurling title in Offaly this year with Kilcormac/Killoughey; well not really, Birr just beat the absolute hell out of them in the final.

20. James McDonald
St Martins, Co Wexford

The only student guaranteed a good future job, Mac is already a leading journalist with the Sunday World. However, some of the lengths he goes to for his undercover reports leaves the rest of us a little bit worried, if not scared. Only recently returned from injury, it says a lot about the rest of us when Mac can put the ball over from the corner flag without looking while the rest of us struggle from straight in front of goal on the 21 yard line. Also a bit of a sly dog, as he demonstrated by holding on to that bird of his from Monaghan for over two years now at this stage.

21. Aidan Darcy
Ballygarret/Realt Na Mara, Co Wexford

Unlike Shylock, poor Darce is certainly not hairy, except for his chest maybe! Likes to be called the Bald Eagle when out socialising with his friends. Works part-time as a model and his portfolio includes some nice photos from Edinburgh taken by Herbo and some professional numbers also from Dave’s 21st! Apparently has a girlfriend called Gayle who works as a Hairdresser, which wouldn’t be a profession Aido would know much about!

22. Oisin Breathnach
Dicksboro, Co Kilkenny

Being a student in the Royal College of Surgeons, Ois soon fell in love with a classmate. Having revealed his love to Ian Robertson, Robbo soon dropped out of college in fear, but Ois moved on to another class mate, Huyfsd, who he is due to marry in Pakistan next year. Thinks he’s cool, crusing around in his scooter in North Dublin, Ois is the envy of many a scone who have tried to nick his pile of rust on numerous occasions. In fairness to Dr Ois though, he’s guaranteed a job when he finally leaves college, unlike his poor BS degree brother Shylock.

23. Shay Deegan
Rapparees, Co Wexford

Shay is the captain of our ship. He prefers to be called Ego and even has his own theme tune – ‘You’re so Vain’. He is currently seeing a therapist regarding his nymphomania and he loves nothing better than to walk a Pat’s girl to the door and kiss her good night. He generally will come home with a story about some ‘savage’ bird when in reality she was ringing a leper’s bell and calling out “unclean, unclean”. Recently he has being heard complaining that his left hand is not as much fun as his right was. Stories have being circulating that Doran has been called in to do the needful at times for the cripple.

24. Simon Creane
James Stephens, Co Kilkenny

There is very little known about this fresher except that he loves his hockey and apparently has a picture of the captain of the men’s hockey team in his wallet and can be seen staring dreamily at it when he is supposed to be hurling training. This man has no concept of time and will casually stroll onto the pitch with 30 minutes of training gone.

25. Donal Doyle
Glynn-Barntown, Co Wexford

The whole panel had a right session down in Wexford for Donies 50th birthday bash recently. Donie lives on Res with all the first years, so for mature company and mature conversations he frequently meets up with his Res colleagues Doran, Deego, Darce, Dave and Bod. The ‘man in black’ Donie’s wardrobe revolves around black, black and more black. Donie has the last laugh though as his bird is loaded, even if she did write off his brand new car in a typical woman drivers accident.

26. Conor Bracken
Clonguish Gaels, Co Longford

Another inter-county hurler, Bracken should seriously consider the concept of a hair cut. In fairness to Bracken though, he has a bird from Kilkenny. Amazingly Bracken has managed to hold on to his bird for more than a year; unlike most of the hurling team! Hasn’t a hope of a job when he leaves college with a course like that. Lets just hope his bird is doing a good course so he can live off her for the rest of his life!

27. Michael Forde
Clarinbridge, Co Galway

All of a sudden someone called Michael Forde appeared at training over Christmas. No one ever heard of him before and we’re actually unsure even if he’s in DCU! Constantly talks about how good Alan and Mark Kerins are, but he hasn’t really got the message yet that we don’t care. Keeps a sheepdog in his room on Res for some reason!!

28. Eoin MacEneaney
Wolfe Tones,Co Louth

One of the few senior inter-county hurlers on the panel, unfortunately for Eoin he happens to play for Louth. Again, not much known about this apparently clean-cut guy, rumour has it that he recently threw the leg over lightweights sister. One of the ringleaders in the recent Louth hurling panel’s dirty protest against their shabby treatment by a football board.

29. Paddy Mone
Knockbridge, Co Louth

Lightweight made a bad name for himself from the word go. Be careful Paddy, tequila does strange things to people. Another inter-county Louth hurler who like his counter-parts from Longford and Donegal is over awed by what a hurl looks like (they usually play with a bit of four-by-four). Another fresher who still has to blossom fully but no matter where you are or what you are doing, if you turn around Lightweight will be standing behind you.

30. Colm Mullane
Ballinacollig, Co Cork

Molly studies Multimedia, which for some unknown reason happened to be classified as a degree course in a University. Took some of our advice last year and invested a haircut, even if he could have went a lot further. Pity our advice has yet to rub off on his Donegal roommate. He has represented Munster in Volleyball.

31. Barry Brennan
Four Masters, Co Donegal

Another inter-county hurler, but even worse than Louth, Longford, Dublin, Wexford or Tipperary, Barry hails from Donegal, the home of hurling. Like Ego, Barry is another Applied Physics gimp with absolutely no hope of getting a job, when he leaves college. Seriously should consider the idea of investing in a hair cut.

32. Liam Burns
St Vincent’s, Co Dublin

Burnsy’s player profile is more or less identical to Eoinie’s. Also from Vincent’s, he likes to share everything possible with Eoinie. Again, severe lack of information about these two first years.

33. Brendan Moynihan
Inniscora, Co Cork

This red-headed wonder is relatively new on the hurling field. His grasp of the English language does not go beyond “You langer, you”. We know little about him or his bad habits only for the fact that he thinks Molly is a bit of a nancy boy.

34. Mícheal Power
Ballyclim, Waterford

Shoulders has an unfortunate tendency to put his shoulder out during any kind of physical activity. Having knocked his shoulder out at least 37 times playing hurling, it has also been displaced while playing cards and walking the dog He also has to re-sit one of his Christmas exams having put his shoulder out ‘accidentally’ after looking at the paper and realising he couldn’t answer anything. It is still unknown whether he has ever ‘put it out’ in front of the love of his life, Linda.

35. Shay Ryan
St Jude’s, Co Dublin

Shay is a giant of a man. He can be usually seen walking around with Vinny in his arms like a little baby. The two St Jude’s men are the best of bumchums. Lately, however, Shay has not been seen at all and Vinny has started to get noticeably greyer. His car is the eight wonder of the world because it is unbelievable how the big man fits in his Fiesta.

36. Gavin O Donovan
Dunnamaggin, Co Kilkenny

The Bear is our chairman but likes to spend most of his time working towards the improvement of the football club. Always appears to have money, which may have something to do with the fact that the hurling club never seems to have any! Wears his Dunnamaggin fleece everywhere and was delighted to get some new clothes when we got a new rain jacket and t-shirt at the start of February which he has since worn to college every day. Bears idea of dressing up for a night out mainly centres around a freshly ironed handball t-shirt and his Dunnamaggin fleece.

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This website was last updated on Tuesday, 02 December 2003 at 9:40p.m.