- STARK REVEALATIONS RE: THE LAOIS LUV TRIANGLE!!
Three, apparently innocent gentleman from Laois ("turf country"),
- Lolly, garion and faulty are this week fighting off unrefutable
allegations of a "bizzare" Love triangle.
The Laois boyz - somewhat unseperable since their arrival in D.C.U.
are now claiming that, in a new twist, it is the traditional custom
in the "Incest capital of the Midlands" (Laois) for fellows to stick
together - literally!
On the 25th of November (last wednesday) the lads in question were found,
in what one garda source could only describe as, "Comprismising positions"
outside "The George" on Georges Street. With blood everywhere and groaning
lovers lying exhausted on the pavement the Gardai decided against any
further action or inqury - the sergant involved offically stating that:
"I didn't want to be involved in any way with people that athletic, flexible and quite frankly small!".
These redbrick gaymates have been found on 13 serperate incidents engaging
in cybersex
Faulty claiming :
"Ahhhh up the scoup we doo it 34 times a day ya boya!!".
This reporter has also found unsubstantiated links with
another redbrick user "chuckie" or Brian Ahern of CA1. Brian, couldn't sit
down for 17 days last month claiming he sat on a bycyle with no saddle.
On futher inspection, this renegade reporter for the corner has learned
that at that time chuckie first came into contact with the Laois Drag
queens - you do the math!!
Finally :
On behalf of not only redbrick or D.C.U.,but indeed humanity I issue a
severe warning not to be "violated" warning :
Do not approach or engage these monsters in any way - any way at all!!.
- MR. YELLOWCACKS
'Twas a cold and bitter morn as the sun's first rays struck D.C.U. campus.
Little did Andy "Im cool with my cap backwards" Yellowcacks know that
today this friday in november would be the day the that would make or break his music career
(it turned out it ended
his career).A defiant culchie stepped up onto the stage and as this reporter looked on,
Andy pretended people were listening as he tried in vain to count past two :
one t..t..twooooo , one tw...tw...twoooo!!
The crowd were amazed at such matematical prowess - this stimulating the
wannabe singer beyond belief - in a way that words cannot describe.
Howandever two people clapped - one of whom was actually beating a barman
over the head - these facts destroying this reporters theory that Andy
Yellowcacks is 100% cack.
In brief my friends I ask for patience - for Andy - He knows not what he
sounds like!
The man sings like a cripple, can't hold a note, can't carry a tune.
and has at least two flutes lodged up his ass.
- THE CABRAMAN
It was on Thursday afternoon that the new revelation sprung to the
news concerning our friend huey, it turns out that huey despite his
denials ( and of those there are many ) is in fact a cabra man and not
an 'asht-ownian' as he would have us believe.
He was so adament that he was from ashtown that he actually
manipulated the map in the library !!. (and he said that he was going
there to study, a likely story)
This is known for a fact 'cause i fussball was there with him as he
changed the Dublin boundries.But although he tried he was just unable
to make the crayon stick to the map.
Unfortunately for him it looks like his days of being the 'respected
porn queen' are numbered (obviously flanders is the undoubted king of
porn in D.C.U) But dont go too far rumour has it that he is to make a
comeback under the alias of rent-boy (we're not too sure that it is
just an alias though, just keep the backs to the wall guys)
So to summarise friends is huey straight, the porn queen, or is he
still singin' like a virgin. Well to find out that info, this reporter
is goin undercover........more to come on this story...
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