I grew up in a small town in the south of Ireland called Waterford. We actually call it Waterford city, but it's really not that big. You could probably fall from the top of our tallest building and survive the fall if you were lucky (Not something to be tried at home! Although I'd be surprised if anyone reading this lived in the tallest building in Waterford city). Anyways, I talked to a girl the other day from Wisconsin who told me that she'd never seen the ocean. I guess I always took that for granted when I was growing up. I lived just 7 miles from the Atlantic ocean and some really nice beaches. So I was at the beach a lot over the years. Mainly what I saw people doing there the most was sunbathing. Clearly the sun shines much better at a beach, and if you want to wear very little clothes, the best place to do it is in front of hundreds of other people. Hmmm. You see now I've distracted myself. What's the deal with people doing that, and then being incredibly embarrassed if they were seen wearing very little elsewhere. Human beings are incredibly strange!
 Relax, enjoy the sunshine, and explore the mysterious island I'll resist the urge to go on a rant now though, and talk about what you're likely to see at a beach. The most common things you'll find there are the aforementioned people, children with buckets and spades making sandcastles. Actually yeah, people bring their children to these places too without a care in the world, but if the babysitter takes off her top to change into something else whilst babysitting, the parents would go berserk. Ok..not ranting. I'm calm. What else is on a beach? Yup, lots of shells and stones and the necessary sand and water. What you're not likely to see there are ramps, tunnels, and crabs walking from side to side. And if you did see any crabs, and happened to be driving on the beach, they'd make an awful crunching sound.* The car you were in would never suddenly twirl 360 degrees out of control. Yes, this has been tested thoroughly in the field. (The field being the beach)  Crunch! So that's the first thing I'll say about this track. The second thing of note here is the fact that it's in the middle of nowhere. The coastline is constant all the way around the track, so Koopa Troopa Beach is actually an island with no noticable place for a ship to dock or anything like that, so I'm not quite sure how Mario and Co. get on and off the island to race to start with. It's all very baffling and surreal. Next thing you know it, you'll have to get out of your kart and press a button every 108 minutes. No, you're right, that's crazy. You could of course argue that it's just a game, but that would be ridiculous. Mariokart isn't _just_ a game. It's a way of life! So all this brings us to the first straight. First of all, when the lights turn green (they actually turn blue, so don't let this put you off), what you need to do is to shimmy a little to the right. A shimmy is much like a turn, except I didn't call it a turn, but you should turn slightly right and straighten up very quickly. This gives you enough room to be able to jump into a slide around the first corner without smashing straight into it. You will of course do just that many times, because this corner is one of the nicest corners in the game. When you hug the corner tight, all the way around, it's one of the most satisfying experiences you can have here, so it's very tempting to get it just perfect each and every time you race here. Going wide is just not an option. You won't like it. It'll make you feel sad on the inside. When you get around the first corner, you're faced with the first proper decision you've had to make in the game so far (if you're racing them in order), and that's which way to go. There are two red signs, one pointing to the left, and one pointing to the right. They're helpful in that they don't actually say anything on them, they just point. So now I'll tell you the secret rule to Koopa Troopa Beach. When you have a choice, go left. It's not really a secret rule. Actually I just made it up. A more helpful rule for you to remember in life, is that if you ever go into a maze, you can find the exit by putting your hand on the lefthand wall and following it around. (That's not a very fun way to walk through a maze though). So anyway, go left. Having said all that, if you've hugged the first corner around the right way, then you'll have barely seen the arrows pointing anyway.  Well that's settled then. With the next corner, I've found that it's very easy to hit it. This is nothing new. It's very easy to hit anything in the game if you can see it. The odds are, you'll likely hit any hittable object anywhere near the racing line, and sometimes nowhere near it. Take the corner quickly and neatly. I always like to release it so that I'm driving as close to the left wall as possible for the next corner. It's at this point that you have a bit of a choice. You can either do two quick MTs around this corner to the left, or you can hop twice and do one MT, or you can hop twice and use a shroom. This would be my third choice for best shroom spot on this track, but it's also a spot I like to use when I just can't stand the sight of my ghost. The problem with this corner is that there is one bit jutting out more than the rest. If you don't know what I mean, just try driving around it a few times. It'll be that thing that screwed up your run and sent you flying into the air. With the 2 MT strategy, you can almost MT before it, and then MT after it, but for the 1 MT, and the shroom strategy, it's important to wait til you're after it to MT or shroom. So when I say to hop twice, the second hop will take you just past this little bit that's sprawling out trying to trip you up. The difference between the strategies is not very great, so experiment with them. So now I'll mention one of the most annoying things in the game. It's the inverse Banshee Boardwalk effect. It's what happens when you slightly snag the rock on your way around some corners with a shroom. Instead of just throwing you up in the air and making you scream, it will slow your kart to a frustrating crawl. I'm not sure what the psychological aspect of this is, but getting slowed down like this (and it happens on a wall on Yoshi Valley where it makes no sense too), is like someone coming over to you and patting you on the shoulder and saying "well, unlucky, you tried your best". You simply want to punch that person in the face. So I mention it here because this is a corner it can happen on. If you've shroomed, you want to let your shroom go at the point of the next corner that you can see. That's the ideal spot. If you're not, then you'll want to MT here and let it go at a similar spot. Now, this next bit is hard. It's only a regular MT, and although there's just a small gap between the rock and the first ramp, it would ordinarily not be a difficult place to aim for. What really screws up this MT that you're about to attempt is the unevenness of the ground. If you're not careful, you can completely oversteer here into the rockface, or hit into the side of the ramp. This is ok if you've managed to get the MT to red, as you won't lose too much time, but otherwise it can be fatal. Of course, the third option is that you end up going a little or all the way up the ramp itself. If this happens, hit retry before you land and embarrass everyone. In any case, the MT around this part of the rock should be finished just before you pass between the rock and the ramp. The absolutely ideal line will be to the left of the upcoming tree, but most of the time you'll either be slightly to the right of it, or pointing straight at it. Any of these outcomes is fine.  But this outcome is the best. Drive inside that tree! It's at this point that you'll completely fail to notice a nice feature of this track. It's something that I barely noticed myself when I was going around here, and can be easily ignored. It's the birds flying around. They're nice because they don't actually bother you or get in your way. If someone had asked me to say for sure before today though, I wouldn't have been 100% sure they flew around this part of the track. Anyway, when you're doing your SSMT here, take a short moment to notice these guys. They're awesome. Since it's just a standard SSMT, do it as quickly as possible. If you're going to the left of the tree you may need to wait til your past it before doing this which may be slightly awkward for the next corner. This next corner is very easy to take very wide. The problem isn't so much the corner itself as what's past it. You know you're coming up to the key moment in the lap where everything can go wrong (well 1 thing can go wrong), so it's understandable to take this corner a bit wide and a bit safe. You shouldn't though. You should take it as sharply as possible and aim for the right of the ramp on your release. Now, whilst the right of the ramp is the quickest method (it's the shortest distance for starters), if you're having problems with the ramp MT, it might be an idea to aim straight for the middle. A lot of new players tend to like to start off to the left, aim for the middle and MT in a bit of an arc into the tunnel. This can certainly be a good way to start off doing it, and as you get better at it, gradually start off more to the right, and take it a lot straighter. Alternatively, you can just drive straight or hop to the left into the tunnel. WIth all of these strategies, it's important to avoid the left side of the ramp. If you find yourself up there, prepare to bounce off rock. This is the single hardest part of the lap. Getting this MT is not easy. Whilst it is possible to bring the smoke to yellow before leaving the ramp, the ideal line would be compromised trying this, so leave it at white on the ramp, and quickly turn it yellow and red inside.  Tunnel of mystery! The most hilarious moment on the course is about to happen to you. You've successfully made it into the tunnel, and you've performed the MT, and as you're celebrating and popping the champagne, you exit the tunnel and drive straight into a tree. I can remember doing this regularly in my early days playing this track, and it still happens a few times in every session. Whilst it is easy to take this exit wide and in between the trees, you absolutely must drive to the left of the inner-most tree if you want an excellent time. (You have to do a lot of other stuff for the excellent time too of course). This means starting the MT in the tunnel quite early and being brave on the exit. The ideal scenario is to release the MT just on the exit of the tunnel and to be driving as far left as possible without hitting the rock.  Watch out for that tree! This point is the most common spot for a shroom, and my 2nd choice for best spot overall. What I dislike about it is the way it ends. I often find myself unsure when to actually let it go, or what angle to keep it at once the rockface disappears. It may well be the quickest spot to shroom, but again, this is something which should be experimented with yourself. If you take it without a shroom, you should hop twice and perform an MT around it so that when you release it, you're running parallel to two parts of the rock which jut out. When you race it you'll know what I mean. With a shroom, just hold it tight around the rock, and then imagine a straight line from the rockface to the first corner and continue the shroom along that, and straighten up before it runs out.  This track can be beautiful from angles you don't normally see it at The start/finish straight is another tricky part. This course is trickier than I first thought. Here are 4 features of the start/finish straight: a) The slope of the ground. Quite frankly, it doesn't help at all. Whilst it may feel very natural and tempting to do left-facing MTs here, you really have to do right-facing ones. Some of the time, you'll try to jump into one and completely fail, because the ground to the left is higher. One way of helping right-facing MTs here is to turn slightly to the left before you jump into them. You'll need to do 2 here. However, if you employ the "shroom-on-the-first-corner" strat, which I personally like, then you can eliminate one of these tricky SSMTs entirely. Space your other SSMT and glide, so that you're aiming straight for the corner, and just after you cross the line, jump into a shroomslide. The combination of not having to do an extra SSMT here, and also being able to drive straight for the corner make it a contender for overall best spot. b) The water. The rising water can effect your run at different levels and speeds. THe most important thing is to adjust your strat to compensate for this. If you have to, drive all the way up to the beach to avoid it. The water is a real pain, and will cost you a heap of time if you're caught in it, without a shroom. This is also why shrooming the first corner is a good place, because you don't lose time shrooming through the rising water. As a general rule, the faster you are on the first lap, the less the water will bother you at the end of it, although if you're superfast, you can get there before the water starts to recede c) The crabs! These guys are random. My best advice for you is to just ignore them. If they fall onto your racing line, you can try your best to drive around them, but mostly you can just put it down to bad luck. These are much less annoying than the moles on MMF, but you will be guaranteed to hit one on lap 3, if you really want to save that ghost of yours. d) Last, and least, the ramps. These poor guys are pointless. For time trialling purposes, you will never use any of 6 big ramps on this course, or the superbig one. You can get a really good view of those birds I was talking about from the top of the superbig ramp, although I didn't manage to drive into any of them. And that's mostly it. For the flap, you'll want to start your run so that the water at the end is in your way the least. You'll get a feel for when to start your lap 2 attempt based on how quickly you can go at each level. The shroomspots are the ones I mentioned above: The first corner, the long left-handed corner after the jutty out bit, and the final corner. Enjoy your stay here (the music is cheerful), and keep an eye out for rescue boats on the horizon!  I think I can see my house from here |